No Beans In My Burka!

Toot, Toot, Tootsie good bye.



The Pentagon has declared parts of the Afghani war theater a "Toot Free Zone" due to Muslim protests that our Marines stink. Literally. From the Military Times:

[...]So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.



I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.



They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).



But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.



So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.

Once again stealth technology will come to the rescue of our intrepid Armed Forces. I'm sure the Marines can utilize their intelligence and superior combat training to unleash the "silent but deadly" variety of noxious airbursts, ie. the MOAF (Mother Of All F...s).



But for those who insist that farting is against Sharia Law, feast your ears on the following:







The women always suffer more...