What happened in Copenhagen?

I'm just an ole Country Boy without much book smarts. But I can pretty much figure out how the IOC (International Olympic Committee) operates. I watched the whole process unfold in Salt Lake City some time back, so it's obvious to me that there are complex but clear-cut rules to getting named an Olympic site. Los Angeles followed the rules. So did Atlanta. So did Beijing. And you can bet your butt that Rio knew exactly what the rules were.

Let me share them with you:

Stage 1. When the process begins, and interested cities are to make known their intention to compete for the Olympic Games, those cities must bribe everybody in site. Effective bribes include vehicles, houses, jobs, cash, securities, girls, boys, and even political favors. This is the easiest and least demeaning stage of the process. Eventually, the list of 'most attractive' cities is whittled down to four. This is when Stage Two begins.

Stage 2. You begin bribing again. The amounts get larger, and the giving of these bribes must be accompanied by hollow flattery and energetic ass-kissing. These transactions are often made more difficult by the necessity of laughing at coarse jokes while humoring the greediest pack of assembled international prostitutes since Idi Amin's Annual Golf Tournament & Clambake. In the end, the city most skilled in bribery wins the Olympic nod.

Here is the measure of how ineffective Barack Obama is as a leader and problem-solver. The City of Chicago LOST A BRIBERY CONTEST.

Chicago was outbribed by Rio de Janeiro... a city best known for parades, dancing, and slums.

Chicago was outbribed by Madrid. Madrid's a swell place, but it's biggest civic event, Community Day, is celebrated every May by tossing tomatoes at a goat.

Chicago was outbribed by Tokyo. Japan is a country only 25 miles long and 6 miles wide with a population of 430 million people. They can barely supply their citizens with raw fish and noodles but, still, even Tokyo made Chicago (and Obama) look like a schoolgirl nervously gripping a bouquet of daisies.

Chicago has been the home of Al Capone, Frank Nitti, Richard J. Daley, Richard M. Daley, Dan Rostenkowski, "Big Bill" Thompson, "Bugs" Moran, Johnny Torrio, Sam Giancana, Tony Accardo, Frank Calabrese and Rod Blagojevich.

These guys used to bribe politicians and mucky-mucks as effectively as I clean a fried chicken drumstick. C'mon!! Obama shows up to this Copenhagen showdown with Oprah and his wife there to provide muscle.

He's a fool. He's a wimp. And if this guy expects to represent Chicago or the United States of America, he'd better grow a pair. He's dealing with gangsters, thieves and tyrants now.


Hat Tip to Michael